$20 says this girl reads Pitchfork (flickr.com)

Pitchfork brunch options haven’t really changed in the past year. Nor has the oppressive heat, homogeneous “types”, white guys waving their arms to Wu Tang songs, and overpriced food and drink. Actually, the drink did change: it’s $1 more and terrible (Heineken).

Anywho, given that today is really the only worthwhile day to spend entirely in direct sunlight for the sake of catching good acts (exceptions: Robyn on Friday; Freddie Gibbs on Saturday) you should load up on a good breakfast beforehand.

WHERE TO BRUNCH: PITCHFORK

SushiSamba Rio has a new brunch menu, yo. Photo: Carly Fisher

I suck, I know. There haven’t been a lot of updates on account of blah, blah, blah. But there’s good news: I’ve compiled a brunch round-up, it’s just not here. It’s actually here.

Today on Chicago Brunch Blog, we’re going to play a game called, “Let’s genderize brunch so dad doesn’t feel emasculated or something.”  It’s Father’s Day this Sunday (that being June 20 for all you last minute gift-givers), which means another blissful midday brunch, showering your favorite human armchair with gratitude, gifts and maybe just a little love. And for you bastard children out there (holla!), you too can celebrate Father’s Day by picking yourself up one of the many daddies searching for girls to spoil on Craigslist. Who’s a believer in second chances now?!

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Other than hockey and soccer, it’s widely known that I am physically, mentally and emotionally incapable of watching and/or participating in sports. On the plus side, the timing couldn’t be better as it’s both the end of hockey season and the beginning of the World Cup, meaning I can enjoy a spirit-filled sporting event with the rest of you, particularly since these games will be tearing up all of those obnoxious LCD screens labeled as amenities in restaurants.

(Photo: The Globe Pub)

So, for this week’s Where to Brunch, the theme is World Cup brunch and where to find it. Note: I was originally going to roll with World Cup Waffles but apparently sports bars seem to have an aversion to serving them. Go figure.

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Photo: Carly Fisher

Chicago Brunch Blog is officially back from the Holy Land and ready for all sorts of brunch treif (that’s ‘ain’t kosher’ for you goys and girls out there). Fun fact: I ate the same breakfast every single day in Israel: hummus, pita, cukes and tomatoes, yogurt and instant coffee. And I was actually 100% okay with that. Also, I will never be able to give an unbiased review of falafel again. That said, the first thing I ate when I came home was bacon-wrapped dates, so if there was any question about my dietary practices, you have your answer.

Anyway, it’s a three-day weekend which means more brunch for you and less days off for those who work in the hospitality industry! Here’s where to brunch this weekend.

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My donut encompasses a classic design with a fun, colorful element!

To commemorate of another unnecessary food “holiday,” Dunkin’ Donuts will be handing out “free” donuts for National Donut Day on Friday, June 4. As is status quo, “free” now comes with the stipulation of a beverage purchase. But who wants to eat a donut without a coffee anyway? On a side note, I beg creative folks out there who are voting in the Create Dunkin’s Next Donut contest to pick something that won’t make me want to ralph, given that the current choices that include two cheesecake entries, a kiwi strawberry donut and a donut with lime sugar frosting give me the sads. Gag.

So, I have some good news and some bad news. But because I prefer ending on a positive note, let’s start with the bad news.

Kinda Bad News

There will be no weekly brunch round-ups or information of any kind for the next two weeks or so on account of I’m going on vacation. Like, the type of vacation that I lose contact with the outside world  (except maybe an emergency contact number for my mother who will lose it if she’s unable to reach me to tell me about something she read in the Trib that was horrible and it could happen to me and did I pay all my bills this month? Do I need any laundry detergent? Why don’t I ever call? and so forth). Wah, wah. But turn that frown upside-down because the next order of business is:

REALLY Good News

Because I flaked out on Easter brunch and also because of aforementioned circumstances, I have compiled a monster brunch guide to Mother’s Day. Everything on this list is for May 9 and as an added bonus for the quintessential brunch day of the year, all listed restaurants are taking reservations (yay!). Seriously, this was a headache and a half, so hopefully you’ll find something you like. And if not, then, well, I guess you have a couple more ideas for where to brunch over the next few weeks.

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Society seems to be in a collective state of confusion about food. In one corner, you have the Jamie Olivers and Michelle Obamas of the world pleading with us what should only seem obvious to rational people: “Save our children! You’re going to kill your son if you feed him pizza every day!” A noble cause that has rallied up a good following of reforms (less salt in crappy pre-packaged Kraft products!) and questionable ones (only fresh shrimp for the new Taco Bell Pacific Shrimp tacos?).

But there’s this extremist backlash against the normal, balanced diet with a Caligula-esque mentality of eating the most fucked up shit in excess. The rise of TIWYF insanity seemed to be a self-contained home experiment of contributors pushing the limits. Soon, corporations caught onto the madness, appealing to our innate sense of curiosity with things that should never have been created. Among them, the Wendy’s Triple Cheese Baconator, the KFC Double Down and now this: the IHOP Pancake Stackers.

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The first time I attempted to have brunch at Lula, I showed up at 9:30 a.m. only to be told that there was an hour and a half wait, resulting in my first visit to Treat Restaurant. Naturally, it was the third time that was a charm, and when I finally got a table, it was at the bar. At 9:15 a.m.

For those of you who actually follow the pre-brunch guide diatribes, you should know that there are only a few things that I absolutely avoid when going to brunch: long waits and screaming children. Luckily, the latter isn’t much of a problem at Lula, but the former has been a huge issue. Mainly, I have to consistently explain why I’m too much of a little bitch to wait for a table in order to accurately give a weighted opinion of what I think of this place — and as a website that is based entirely on a meal for people who are too lazy and hungover to cook for themselves, I find this to be completely excusable.

I digress: So, last night, I was at the Goose Island Craft Brewers Conference VIP Event, and felt it was a great opportunity to ask Sous Chef Mike Simmons, “How the hell can I get a table?” Read the rest of this entry »

Don’t worry. You really didn’t miss much last weekend in the brunch world, which may or may not have had something to do with the fact I was coincidentally on vacation. But this weekend, pretty much everyone in Chicago has decided to do brunch. Seriously, pick a place — any place. Sabor Saveur? Yep. Karyn’s on Green? You betcha.  Citizen Bar? Okay, you should get the point by now.

(Photo: Carly Fisher)

Easter is coming up too. If you celebrate Easter, I would be more concerned about attending church than brunch, but I guess it’s “a thing people do.” Luckily, since I do not celebrate Easter nor did I participate in Lent, I’ve been enjoying all of the pleasures of living life in excess — including a recent invite to David Burke’s Primehouse to finally try out those bento boxes I’ve been hearing about for so long.. I still haven’t tried out the Hangover Bento though, so perhaps another trip is in order.

Brunch picks this week:

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