Other than hockey and soccer, it’s widely known that I am physically, mentally and emotionally incapable of watching and/or participating in sports. On the plus side, the timing couldn’t be better as it’s both the end of hockey season and the beginning of the World Cup, meaning I can enjoy a spirit-filled sporting event with the rest of you, particularly since these games will be tearing up all of those obnoxious LCD screens labeled as amenities in restaurants.

(Photo: The Globe Pub)

So, for this week’s Where to Brunch, the theme is World Cup brunch and where to find it. Note: I was originally going to roll with World Cup Waffles but apparently sports bars seem to have an aversion to serving them. Go figure.

Small Bar Division
(2049 W. Division St. | 773.772.2727)
Other than the Olympics and sports that begin with X-treme, it’s questionable whether Small Bar has broadcast anything except soccer. Not to mention the games are broadcast during brunch every weekend. Either way, seeing how Small Bar is anything but fair-weather soccer fans, they should be on their game this weekend to enjoy a fried egg samich over the highly anticipated match between the U.S.A. (yay!) and England (boo!) . And even if the aforementioned fall through, they have a choice beer menu to help you get drunk enough that you won’t care.

The Globe Pub
(1934 W. Irving Park Rd. | 773.871.3757)
The sports and alcohol are a given at this North Center pub, but did you know they serve breakfast too? On the menu: eggs, eggs and more eggs. There are also some pancakes. Word of advice: get in early if you want a seat and expect things to get cozy as it gets later in the day — the Globe is one of the most popular pubs to watch the World Cup and certainly not the largest.

District Bar
(170 W. Ontario St. | 312.337.3477)
This is what is referred to as the bougie sports bar, a classier joint to get shitfaced first thing in the morning and hurl misplaced insults at the television (this is a big activity for those with jobs in power marketing and real estate bankery, who play as hard as they work).  But in all seriousness, the menu at District, brunch and otherwise, is killer (asparagus and crab Benedict, duck confit biscuits and gravy) and it’s a stones throw from the hellish wait at Yolk down the block. And let’s not forget the point of this brunch: it’s broadcasting the World Cup on at least, like, a marginal percentage of their 40 or so TV screens.

Stanley’s Kitchen & Tap
(1970 N. Lincoln Ave. | 312.642.0007)
I heard a rumor somewhere that it’s a requirement to prime your bar for excessive sports watching and drinking if your restaurant is located in Lincoln Park. If that’s the case, Stanley’s is definitely up-to-code with their weekend brunch buffet and Bloody Mary bar, featuring five hours of all-you-can-eat action from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m., providing plenty of eating time to fill the void. I know you think I’m kidding here, but I just saw a grown man cry on Wednesday when the Hawks won the Stanley Cup. You can’t make this shit up.

Mrs. Murphy & Sons Irish Bistro
(3905 N. Lincoln Ave. | 773.248.3905)
Not going to lie, unless it’s St. Patrick’s Day or a sporting event, I almost completely forget about Irish bars. Oh well, no use in changing now! As far as Irish restaurants in Chicago go, Mrs. Murphy and Sons is probably one of the least “douche-y” and serves the best food that isn’t your run-of-the-mill bangers and mash or steel-cut Irish oatmeal (though both are on the menu, if you want). More like banana and Baileys French toast, curried vegetable omelet, or smoked salmon Benedict. Usually open only on Sundays for brunch, the restaurant will be open on Saturday games during World Cup starting at 9:00 a.m.