Suicide Watch: IHOP Pancake Stackers

Society seems to be in a collective state of confusion about food. In one corner, you have the Jamie Olivers and Michelle Obamas of the world pleading with us what should only seem obvious to rational people: “Save our children! You’re going to kill your son if you feed him pizza every day!” A noble cause that has rallied up a good following of reforms (less salt in crappy pre-packaged Kraft products!) and questionable ones (only fresh shrimp for the new Taco Bell Pacific Shrimp tacos?).

But there’s this extremist backlash against the normal, balanced diet with a Caligula-esque mentality of eating the most fucked up shit in excess. The rise of TIWYF insanity seemed to be a self-contained home experiment of contributors pushing the limits. Soon, corporations caught onto the madness, appealing to our innate sense of curiosity with things that should never have been created. Among them, the Wendy’s Triple Cheese Baconator, the KFC Double Down and now this: the IHOP Pancake Stackers.

IHOP is marketing the Pancake Stackers with a lovely press release:

“IHOP’s newest creation features sweet and silky crustless cheesecake layered between two world-famous IHOP buttermilk pancakes, crowned with a choice of cool strawberries, blueberry or cinnamon apple compote and crowned with creamy whipped topping.”

Let’s back up a minute. If you cut through the rhetoric, I believe what we have here is a cheesecake-pancake sandwich topped with preserved fruit and doused with some kind of whipped topping (not even classifiable as whipped cream). Despite containing what we can assume will be at least 100% of your daily caloric intake, IHOP is offering the dish a la carte or as a combo (including eggs any style, hash browns and choice of crisp bacon, pork sausage links and ham). God help us all.

The death wish dish is now available at IHOPs around the country until June 20. Please let me know if you plan on eating this as I’m too terrified.

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3 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Paige Worthy said,

    April 27, 2010 @ 9:48 pm

    As if THIS idea weren’t gross enough, I just read through the first page of TIWYF and now want to hurl.
    I had a concrete from Scooter’s for dessert tonight and felt like I might die after that…I believe I actually would perish if I ate any of that shit.

  2. 2

    jess said,

    April 28, 2010 @ 12:32 pm

    my personal jesus

  3. 3

    Emily said,

    May 11, 2010 @ 1:36 pm

    I just spent 5 minutes of TIWYF, hating the world. Then I ate a chicken kiev, which burst when I cut into it, like a processed chicken and hydrogenated oil zit. Now I just hate myself. Thank you Carly, for reminding me that we are all repugnant, together.

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