Potatoes. Well, isn’t this cliche? (Photo: Carly Fisher)

Because my comedic skill set is confined to hyperbolic musings of really unfortunate things that always seem to be happening to me (i.e. first world problems), I attempted to find a good brunch joke for this weekend’s Where to Brunch. Unfortunately, I kept running into watered down Jewish jokes about bagels and lox, like this POS right here, and more Brunch with Bridget bits from the Ellen show. To answer your questions: No, I have not seen it; No, I don’t care; Yes, I wish Ellen would pay me to have a stupid segment where I eat brunch and talk about things, preferably hung over and in bed (call me, gf!).

Judging from the site traffic, it seems like all of you people want to know where to get corned beef hash before, during or after you get shitfaced this weekend (which, according to this Sun Times article, isn’t even Irish). Actually, that sounds pretty good right now. Eh, what the hey? Presenting your St. Patrick’s Day brunch options in Chicago:

Any Irish or sports bar in Lincoln Park or Mount Greenwood
Whether or not there’s food, there’s always green beer flowing and usually a fast food joint in the near vicinity.

Mrs. Murphy and Son’s Irish Bistro
(3905 N. Lincoln Ave., 773.248.3905)
Unlike the majority of these novelty St. Patrick’s Day brunches at aforementioned locations, Mrs. Murphy and Sons actually have a worthwhile Irish brunch that is good any day of the year — not just the one day you chalk up a degree from Notre Dame and getting pissed as a sign of cultural heritage. Case in point: oatmeal currant scones with orange marmalade and clotted cream.

The Gage
(24 S. Michigan Ave., 312.372.4243)
Another restaurant featuring Irish-style brunch that doesn’t suck, mostly on account of the native Galway seal of approval from owner Billy Lawless: steel cut Irish oatmeal brûlée,  corned beef hash with poached eggs and hollandaise, and the good ol’ fashioned traditional Irish breakfast of rashers, puddings, sausage, beans and toast.

LaSalle Power Co.
(500 N. La Salle Dr., 312.661.1122)
Close to the parade, open bright ‘n’ early at 9:30 a.m. and serving a comprehensive brunch package from 10:00 a.m.-2:00 p.m. for $35, including an all-you-can-eat buffet of not really Irish stuff (i.e. sliders, mac and cheese), but definitely green beer and call liquor.

Fulton’s on the River
(315 N. La Salle Dr., 312.822.0100)
Reasons why this brunch is great: 1. The food. Obviously the most important reason for brunching, they’re offering specials like pork belly and egg sandwich or the Ploughman’s Sandwich with black forest Ham, roasted turkey, dill mustard and Dublin cheddar. 2.Convenience. In case you didn’t notice the name, it’s Fulton’s on the River. That being, the Chicago River, which will turn a slightly deeper shade of neon than Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The restaurant offers prime viewing action for the ecological disgrace. 3. The price. Pretty much everything is $5, including the drink specials of Guinness, Irish coffee and, of course, green beer.

— Carly Fisher

Looking for last year’s list? Click here.