The mystery is over — and I guess it has been for a little while if you’ve been lurking on Facebook. Apparently, I have not been lurking hard enough.  Bagel on Damen has announced a D.O.A. of January 2nd, just in time to soak up any lingering alcohol from your New Year’s weekend of debauchery.

The latest shocker (if you want to call it that), is that the bagel shop is outsourcing their coffee from Portland roaster, Stumptown Coffee, as opposed to sticking with local staples Intelligensia and Metropolis. All I can say is that I hope these bagels are boiled because I’ve been aching for a Boro Park schmear like a mad woman.

— Carly Fisher

Please accept my deepest apologies for the delay on these Christmas brunch options on account of that I could care less about the holidays, therefore prioritizing several hours of The Wire over getting my shit together.  Currently sacrificing said activity to bring you this Chicago Brunch Blog Brunchmas special, then back to holing myself in my room until Christmas Day when I will be wasting away in Margaritaville on the South Side (Yo, Mr. H! Save me a lime!).

Look at what you did, you little jerk.

For those of you lonely folks without friends or family that love you, my number one suggestion is to head down for a little dim sum in Chinatown. While you fill your plate with the bounty of seven steam racks, think hard about where you went wrong in your life as to end up where you are now.

The rest of you better share some love if you’re heading out to one of these restaurants for a traditional Christmas brunch showdown. And by love, I mean tip – and well. There’s just no day off in the hospitality industry, is there?
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Nothing screams warm and cozy like reliving your afternoon brunch fix with a few leftovers. If the thought of a leftover omelet doesn’t sound appealing, it’s time to open your mind and your stomach to some new possibilities. In the ongoing quest to solve the Great Soggy Brunch Leftovers Debacle, Chicago Brunch Blog asked Rockit Bar and Grill Chef de Cuisine Amanda Downing for some ideas on how to salvage scraps:

“One of my favorites, from my childhood, in fact, was when my mother would make us hot oatmeal in the morning before school. Then, to our surprise, we had warm yummy oatmeal bread when we came home from school. My mom always had a way with adjusting recipes to work around extra things she had in the house.

“A few years ago at the restaurant, we served (and actually still do) chocolate bread in our bread baskets during brunch. There was a week when we had a couple extra loaves we didn’t use so [Executive Chef James Gottwald and I] played around with a chocolate bread pudding recipe. After some taste tests and a couple tweeks to the recipe, we ended up what is now a Rockit standby dessert that has been on the menu ever since.”

Downing’s Chocolate Bread Pudding recipe after the jump.

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Believe it or not, the next three weekends are probably going to be your best bet for effortlessly securing a table at your favorite brunch spot. While everyone is else is making their way to rural Connecticut/stuck in the perpetual hell known as baggage check at O’Hare, you can raise a mimosa and toast a “Hallelujah” to city livin’. 

Love in a skillet (Photo: Carly Fisher)

Grab a bite to eat at one of these restaurants as you begin another failed attempt at completing the Sunday crosswords. One of these days I will finish your puzzles, Will Shortz!

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I’m just looking for one divine breakfast burrito. I’d eat it all day — if I could find it, that is. Seriously, where does one find a decent effing breakfast burrito in this town? After eating dozens of them at different restaurants, every breakfast burrito seems to taste exactly the same. For every menu featuring jazzed up pancakes and killer breakfast sandwiches, there’s a lackluster breakfast burrito to ruin my weekend and my life. And the presentation is often so underwhelming, there is rarely a convincing photo that comes out of it.

Instead of bitching, I’m taking the pro-active approach. This is officially a challenge to local restaurants for the Chicago Brunch Blog seal of approval and bragging rights to the ultimate breakfast burrito.

The criteria:

1. It must be encased in a tortilla. Corn or flour base only, but other spices and ingredients are acceptable. And none of this tostada bullshit. This is a burrito, so it better be encased.

2. Must contain eggs or egg-substitute. The key word is “breakfast” here.

3. While we’re at it, a meat or meat-substitute should also be included.

4. Must include sauce, including a side of dipping sauce. Chicagoans have an undeniable love of sauce.

Breakfast burritos are definitively Tex-Mex, but I don’t want to stifle creativity. If a fusion breakfast burrito trumps the standard fare, so be it.

So, how about it, Chicago? Where do I find the ultimate breakfast burrito?

— Carly Fisher

Turn that frown upside down! Only three more days until the weekend.

Scrapple at The Publican (Photo: Carly Fisher)

It’s a familiar scene every Sunday morning: people willing to sacrifice hunger, shelter and even love (from the hostess, usually) in search of the perfect stack of golden waffles. Hyped places such as Lula Cafe, Bongo Room and Orange, will often have table waits up to two hours — a comparable wait for a burger at Kuma’s or a romantic dinner for two at Frontera Grill. 

Brave or nuts? (Photo: Carly Fisher)

As a person who eats brunch out every weekend, I have a surprisingly low tolerance for waiting. Brunch is a recovery meal that requires immediate attention in order to cure hangovers, work out the sequence of events from the night before and recuperate in time for a hellish work week. To this day, I have only accommodated two painful checking-my-watch-every-five-minutes-waits for brunch: the first being at suburban pancake palace Walker Bros. and the other at Bongo Room.

Serving as a brunch oasis among 500 IHOPs and Greek diners, the average hour-long wait time at Walker Bros. seems understandable. After all, there isn’t much of an alternative. But as I walked past a crowd of people waiting for their names to be called outside Tempo Cafe last weekend, it made me wonder: why people are so willing to wait in a city that has so many brunch restaurants? 

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When life hands you soggy pancakes, make bread pudding. In the ongoing quest to solve the Great Soggy Brunch Leftovers Debacle, Chicago Brunch Blog asked Troy Graves of Eve for some ideas on how to salvage scraps:

“I like to take leftovers and scramble some fresh eggs. Put some fritos in a casserole dish, then add eggs and leftovers, top with cheese and melt. [Garnish] with some pico de gallo and sour cream. Voila frito pie!!” — Troy Graves

In today’s Tribune, there’s an interesting article on the cult following of brunch. This marks the second time that this brunchpert was consulted on behalf of Chicago Brunch Blog for some insights on the best meal of the week — the first for Tribune publication, RedEye, back in September. Love you too, baby.

On that note, Ask a brunchpert, the weekly Savage Love-meets Dear Abby-meets Alton Brown column,  has been in hibernation because I guess everyone thinks self-help guides are so 2009. Have some life questions you need answered by a brunchpert? Send inquiries here.

— Carly Fisher

Despite all the terrible things happening in the world this week (i.e. below freezing temperatures, mindless criminal activity, Tiger Woods’ fall from grace), there are still some delicious Chicago brunch spots out there to lift your spirits. It may not put glass back in your car window, but it will at least fill your stomach.

Breakfast Sandwich at Birchwood Kitchen (Photo: Carly Fisher)

And I hope that when I come home from brunch this weekend in a hazy food coma, that the frightening noises coming from my hundred-year-old radiators won’t result in a tragic explosion and several third degree burns.

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