If you are sitting in a generic waffle house and some waitress with a lower back tattoo spills hot coffee all over your back, is it acceptable to just take off your white undershirt and finish your extra large stack of football-themed pancakes while your burning flesh airs out for all of the restaurant to see? This happened to me last week and I thought this was totally fine, but all these people seemed really grossed out by it because they are all really uptight and I guess they thought they were at the fucking Ritz or some bullshit.

Dylan C., Lansing, MI

I don’t know how things are done in Lansing, but Chicagoans typically abide by common social etiquette and the standard “No shirt, no shoes, no service” policy — even at our IHOPs and Golden Nuggets. On the other hand, gratuitous lawsuits are also an ingrained part of American heritage, so it’s a tough call. It sounds like your “Sunday best” was already covered in beer stains and Doritos remnants before you were kissed with a few third degree burns. Toting a stain eraser and spare t-shirt is never a bad idea, but hindsight is always 20/20, isn’t it?

Unfortunately, boutique brunching à la Nicole Farhi’s 202 New York hasn’t completely caught on in Chicago yet.  The recently closed Unique So Chique came in close, but Barney’s Fred’s Chicago and Ralph Lauren’s RL Restaurant are currently the go-to spots for a dual solution to hunger and common wardrobe malfunctions. Of course, this solution certainly doesn’t run cheap, there are no football-themed pancakes and you can bet they are definitely not laissez-faire about their dress policy. Buck up, take it like a man and, seriously, try to have some class.

— Carly Fisher

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