Not too long ago, I gathered up the courage and motivation to make some quiche. If the word doesn’t quite ring a bell, quiche is basically a deliciously fatty egg pie hailing from the land of culinary wonders, France. That said, if you don’t like egg, pie or delicious things, you probably won’t like quiche. Being that I like all three of these things and also since I have only been talking about it for something like six months now, I decided that there was no better day to blow off all the work I needed to do and take 15 minutes to throw a quiche together. If you’re lazy, but moved by procrastination like me, you can make quiche too.

How to make quiche:
1. Steal as some of your roommate’s eggs and hope they don’t notice. In this case, I stole four.



2. Break open some of those eggs and toss them in a bowl. Throw whatever milk product you have lying around. Technically, you should be using something that you’ll feel guilty about afterwards, like half-and-half or whipping cream, but I chose a cup or so of 2% that still smelled kind of decent. Now whip it up like you’re going to make a delicious Sunday morning scramble and place aside. 


3. I hope you had defrosted some spinach and a pie shell. You have pie shells, right? If not, you’ll have to tack on an additional five minutes to internally debate whether it’s worth it, another 10 looking for a pie shell recipe, and God knows how long actually making it. After all, you really can’t make a quiche without the shell. 



4. Did you remember to pre-heat your oven to 400F? I bet you didn’t. Better do that now if you haven’t already. 



5. Chop up some cheese you have lying around. Traditionally, a good Gruyère or the bastardized American version of Swiss cheese is preferred, but I only had Muenster in the fridge, so that’s was goin’ in the shell. Layer that on the bottom of your thawed shell. By the way, you should do that 15 minutes or so after taking it out of the freezer. 



6. Hey look at that, I have some tomatoes. Slice those suckers up and stick them in! Turkey bacon?! Don’t you hide away in the back of that fridge edging ever-so-close to the expiration date! You step right on up! Microwave 2 slices and slice them with your only clean, dulling knife. Stick it in on top of the cheese-tomato layer. 



7. Add the spinach to your egg mixture and fill the rest of your pie shell with it. You’ll probably have to spread it at this point since it will be kind of lumpy. Then, stick it in the oven.


8. Ten minutes later, you’ll be talking to your friend about your delicious quiche, wondering if you should have put garlic in it. He’ll tell you, “Yes, you should have. Garlic makes everything better.” You’ll agree and pull your quiche out to stick in some garlic, burning your hand in the process and then put it back in. 


9. Now, preoccupy yourself with a meaningless task such as reading a Wikipedia article or three, mopping your floors or staring at your ceiling for a while until you suddenly remember you have a quiche baking. This should be maybe 30 minutes later. 


10. Pull it out and take a small slice. You might be horrified or delighted with your attempt to make quiche. 

In my case, I was pleasantly surprised, but didn’t feel temptation to cut another slice as I had already filled up on hummus and pita while I waited for it to bake. I probably should have taken a photo, but I didn’t. Nonetheless, I felt good about my efforts and also felt like a domestic champ, ready to display my home-ec skills to potential suitors. Are they lining up at the door yet? No? I’ll check after I mop my floors.

— Carly Fisher