Time to buddy up with your favorite D.D. or call a cab, because today we are boozin’ U.S.A.!  Although Friday and Saturday nights certainly have their sloppy charm, nothing beats a good ol’ fashioned mid-day brunch buzz. Am I right, or am I right?

Pick yourself up, cowboy and go get some brunch (Photo: Crosson)

And so, here it is: your Chicago Brunch Blog guide to Bloody Marys, mimosas, and other liquid vices for the curious, the feisty, the indulgent, and yes, even the destitute.

The sweet
A little sugar in a world so bitter

Hearty Boys
(3819 N. Broadway Ave.; 773.244.9866)
Whether it’s rum or nostalgia, something in the Hearty Boys’ Ovaltini ($7) certainly produces warm, fuzzy feelings that scream, “More Ovaltine, please!” A homemade blend of Ovaltine, house-infused cardamom rum and whole milk is spicy sweet to appeal to your adult taste buds.

Big Jones
(5347 N. Clark St.; 773. 275.5725)
Summer might be on its way out, but there’s no harm in pretending it’s still 90 degrees in the shade. Big Jones’ may want to consider changing the name of their Ponchatula Sweet Tea ($9)  to the Blanche Devereaux for its easy mix of Firefly Sweet Tea infused vodka, fresh local strawberries and simple syrup.

Uncommon Ground
(1401 W. Devon Ave.; 773.465.9801)
Pretty sure alcohol wasn’t Neal Cassady’s favorite vice, but Uncommon Ground pays a respectable homage to the beat poet with a liquored up coffee of Madagascar vanilla bean house-infused whiskey, Black Cat double espresso and steamed maple cream.

The spicy
Hot as fire served over ice

Twisted Spoke
(501 N. Ogden Ave.; 312.666.1500)
A healthier burn than spending too long in the toaster at L.A. Tan, Twisted Spoke’s Road Rash Mary Classic ($8.00) is a 16 oz. hot flash of peppercini, green olives, onion, parmesan and Guinness topped off with meat garnish that requires the complimentary 4-oz. beer chaser. In addition to the house staple, the restaurant recently released a string of other Marys including the Smokin’ Salma with smoked chipotle infused vodka and the hog wild Del’vrance with smoked bacon, hickory infused vodka and pickled string beans.

Tweet
(5020 N. Sheridan Rd.; 773.728.5576)
Rule #1: Never mess with a classic recipe. Tweet’s Bloody Mary ($7.50) has become a house staple with varying degrees of spice to appease both the hotties with a dash of Sriracha, and notties with a solid cocktail base. Drinks best enjoyed at the vintage bar, chased with complimentary coffee during the inevitable hour long wait to be seated during brunch.

The cheap
Too bad the recession still can’t qualify as “so last year”

Hamburger Mary’s
(5400 N. Clark St.; 773.784.6969)
As if a complimentary mimosa with your brunch entree isn’t enough, Hamburger Mary’s is practically giving away mimosas at the price of $2 a glass. Deal available Sat. & Sun. 10:00 a.m.-2:00 p.m.

Kitsch’n River North
(600 W. Chicago Ave., Suite 5; 312.644.1500)
Kitsch’n is currently on my love list for their brunch bar, featuring chipotle Bloody Marys and deluxe mimosas (regular, pomagranate, and raspberry) for the dirt cheap price of $2. That’s right, my friends, two whole dollars. No drink limit with purchase of brunch entree — but try to maintain a shred of dignity and keep it together. Deal available Sat. 9:00 a.m.-3:00 p.m.; Sun. 10:00 a.m.-3:00 p.m.

Blue Line Lounge and Grill
(1548 N. Damen Ave.; 773.395.3700)
To avoid any stumbling confusion, Blue Line Lounge and Grill’s aptly named Hangover Brunch is conveniently located directly below the Damen blue line. As they say nothing cures a hangover like another drink, the restaurant serves a $3 special of Bloody Marys, mimosas and a number of bellinis to cure what ails you. Then again, isn’t this where hangovers often begin? Deal available Sat. & Sun. 9:00 a.m.-4:00 p.m.

The control freak
The build-your-own Bloody bar

Rockit Bar and Grill
(River North: 22 W. Hubbard St.; 312.645.6000/Wrigleyville: 3700 N. Clark St.; 773.645.4400 )
While I really don’t require a whole bunch of shit thrown into my Bloody Mary, the option of loading up on shrimp and stuffed olives is not only completely acceptable, but warmly welcomed. Unlicensed mixologists fearful of messing up their drink need not worry, as you really can’t go wrong with a $5 cocktail.

Division Street Ale House
(1942 W. Division St.; 773.384.6886 )
Wicker Park newcomer and the lone Irish bar, Division Street Ale House, recently launched their Bloody Mary bar ($7 well vodka; $9 premium vodka), featuring a choice of three bases and a generous two-ounce pour in a glass with ample room to fit as many fixings as it takes.

Lasalle Power Company
(500 N. LaSalle; 312.661.1122)
Lasalle Power Company’s $5 build-your-own Bloody Mary bar and $4 mimosa bar provides a rock and roll venue without the disease-laden groupies to get elegantly wasted first thing in the afternoon.

The refined palate
Those with a short fuse for mediocrity

The Publican
(837 W. Fulton Market; 312.733.9555)
It’s a bit surprising that beermosas aren’t more common. The fruity undertones of a good pale ale or hefeweissen seem to be a perfect match for a refreshing glass of O.J. Unlike my camping staple of PBR and Tropicana, The Publican mimosa ($8) blends fresh-squeezed orange juice and 1809 Berliner Weisse for a more masculine twist on the traditional mimosa.

Sola
(3868 N. Lincoln Ave.; 773.327.3868)
CBB is dubbing this the “Bloody Whiplash,” Sola’s wasabi Bloody Mary ($12) is a real eye and nasal cavity opener. The drink comes garnished with wasabi rim, shrimp and pickled asparagus that might cause you to scream/cause a scene of frantically waving your arms around your face, if you’re anything like my mother.

The Bristol
(2152 N. Damen Ave.; 773.862.5555)
Forget Folgers, the best part of waking up is the nearest bottle in your cup. The Bristol’s Macchiato de Mexico ($9) with Sauza Blanco, agave and organic coffee is a tastier alternative to the standard red eye. All you ballers out there can make it a liquid brunch with the Bristol Bloody Breakfast ($19), which comes with the house Mary (Prairie Organic vodka, horseradish and celery stick), 7 oz. Miller High Life and salumi platter.

The chopped salad
Chunky blends that are a party in a pint

Flo
(1434 W. Chicago Ave.; 312.243.0477)
Green and mean, Flo’s verde Bloody Mary is packed with a punch of poblano chile and vodka. Personally, I find the chunk a little overbearing, but others have deemed it a favorite. Either way, it’s certainly not your run-of-the-mill Mary.

Jerry’s
(1938 W. Division St.; 773.235.1006)
Chicago Brunch Blog web designer and chief NOOB, Mark Hauge, thought this Mary ($8.75) had too much chunk in the trunk. Apparently, he likes his drinks like his women: watered down and used up. Just kidding. But since we’re on the subject of sexist comparisons of food and women, this one definitely comes on pretty strong  with a mouthful of cilantro and plenty of spicy baggage, which can be kind of hot if you’re into Courtney Love types. If you’re not man enough to handle it, there are about a gazillion beer selections from microbreweries around the country, as well as prosecco mimosas to down instead.

— Carly Fisher